How not to kill yourself

[sleepyboi]

Honestly, I'm having trouble with not wanting to do this.

The world, especially this country, is going to Hell. There's no hope for anything. I feel like I have no future. Everyone says I'm useless, annoying, wish I would die, etc. I feel like nothing more than a drain on my family. Any job I would be capable of getting would be minimum wage at best, and wouldn't pay for car insurance even. I have no talents and can't do anything. I'm a failure at education, I'm unable to learn. Lots of poor people here now. I know people in their 30s and most still live with their parents. I don't wanna live a poor life, I'd rather be dead. There's no point to me living if I get no enjoyment out of life and have no future. My reasons for living are extremely small and insignifigant in the long run.

Anyone else have trouble with this?

[xsecx]

Honestly, I'm having trouble with not wanting to do this.

The world, especially this country, is going to Hell. There's no hope for anything. I feel like I have no future. Everyone says I'm useless, annoying, wish I would die, etc. I feel like nothing more than a drain on my family. Any job I would be capable of getting would be minimum wage at best, and wouldn't pay for car insurance even. I have no talents and can't do anything. I'm a failure at education, I'm unable to learn. Lots of poor people here now. I know people in their 30s and most still live with their parents. I don't wanna live a poor life, I'd rather be dead. There's no point to me living if I get no enjoyment out of life and have no future. My reasons for living are extremely small and insignifigant in the long run.

Anyone else have trouble with this?

How old are you? And why do you feel like everything is going to hell and that you have no future?

if everyone in your life is telling you that you're useless, you need to get new people in your life, not killing yourself.

[sleepyboi]

I'm 19, I turn 20 in like 2 months.

The entire world (especially the USA) is in economic crisis due to shortages of resources, corrupt governments, overpopulation, etc. There's no way to avoid the downfall of civilization. It will happen soon. Or maybe I'm just an extreme pessimist.

I just have no motivation to do anything. I don't enjoy enough in life to make it worth living. I don't really have any talents, and I'm a misanthrope and barely get along with anyone.

[xsecx]

I'm 19, I turn 20 in like 2 months.

The entire world (especially the USA) is in economic crisis due to shortages of resources, corrupt governments, overpopulation, etc. There's no way to avoid the downfall of civilization. It will happen soon. Or maybe I'm just an extreme pessimist.

I just have no motivation to do anything. I don't enjoy enough in life to make it worth living. I don't really have any talents, and I'm a misanthrope and barely get along with anyone.

This isn't the first time there has been a global economic crisis and it won't be the last. Things get better, things get worse. It's the cyclical nature of history.

Have you considered therapy?

[sleepyboi]

Can't afford it. This country's healthcare is so bad. I've been to psychiatrists in the past who gave me meds that didn't seem to do much of anything, even after months of being on them. Plus, I'm afraid of taking medication. I see a psychologist once every two weeks, have been for 4 years, to be honest I find him annoying, kind of intolerant and bigoted (even though he works with LGBT youth), and he doesn't help me at all. But we can't afford to see anyone else. Mental hospitals charge thousands in medical bills- I've heard horror stories. I kind of just have to tough everything out now, and I'm failing at that.

I forgot to mention that I don't feel sane anymore. I often have really violent thoughts of killing people/animals/myself. I hit my cat the other day and I felt really bad, but it felt like I couldn't control it. And I've self-harmed a lot.

I also have an attention-seeking disorder and I feel like I constantly need attention. But because I never go outside and nobody wants to socialize with me, I would go on online forums a lot and often get banned for getting too angry and saying bad things.

I really doubt this country, or plant, will get better. It's the end.

[Lifestyle_X]

Wait, you can't afford therapy but you're in therapy?

[xsecx]

Is it the country/planet that you don't think will get better or you? It sounds like most of your problems are internal to you, and regardless of how the world was going, you'd still feel the same.

[sleepyboi]

Wait, you can't afford therapy but you're in therapy?I can only afford one therapist who is an idiot. I can't afford a different one.

And maybe it is my fault but, if the world was better, it'd be easier to deal with.

[CarlaRant]

Hi there Sleepyboi,

I saw this thread and had to respond --

There are some things you need to consider about yourself before making any rash decisions. First, were you happy when you had a job or didn't have the imminent need of employment hanging over you? If so, this is just a valley of depression regarding your unemployment and need to seek help setting goals and job hunting. Also consider your location and what would truly make you happy at work. Your work does not define you, it just provides money to live. I'm not saying you should just take some crappy job and stick it out because it's a job, but some times we have to take the crappy jobs (or two) to make ends meet until you can wedge yourself into a better one. If the amount of money is a concern, you might want to consider moving because your cost of living is high in New York compared to the possible income. Depend on extended family and friends if necessary.

Second, if you feel as though you are going to hurt yourself or an animal again, you need to seek anger and emotion management therapy. If you contact a local college, you can get yourself in touch with a (often free) therapy session. They have a counseling department at almost every major school. My cousin lives in Manhattan and she used to go to the medical school for therapy sessions as needed.

Lastly, you need to realize that that you cannot expect the world to get before you do. You are in control of yourself and only yourself, not the world. It sucks, it's hell, but it's what we've inherited and have to work with. It also sounds selfish, but you need to focus on you. You know how the airlines say to put on your air mask first before helping a young child? It's just like that - you cannot help anyone else before you've helped yourself.

[sleepyboi]

Hi there Sleepyboi,

I saw this thread and had to respond --

There are some things you need to consider about yourself before making any rash decisions. First, were you happy when you had a job or didn't have the imminent need of employment hanging over you? If so, this is just a valley of depression regarding your unemployment and need to seek help setting goals and job hunting. Also consider your location and what would truly make you happy at work. Your work does not define you, it just provides money to live. I'm not saying you should just take some crappy job and stick it out because it's a job, but some times we have to take the crappy jobs (or two) to make ends meet until you can wedge yourself into a better one. If the amount of money is a concern, you might want to consider moving because your cost of living is high in New York compared to the possible income. Depend on extended family and friends if necessary.

Second, if you feel as though you are going to hurt yourself or an animal again, you need to seek anger and emotion management therapy. If you contact a local college, you can get yourself in touch with a (often free) therapy session. They have a counseling department at almost every major school. My cousin lives in Manhattan and she used to go to the medical school for therapy sessions as needed.

Lastly, you need to realize that that you cannot expect the world to get before you do. You are in control of yourself and only yourself, not the world. It sucks, it's hell, but it's what we've inherited and have to work with. It also sounds selfish, but you need to focus on you. You know how the airlines say to put on your air mask first before helping a young child? It's just like that - you cannot help anyone else before you've helped yourself.I never had a job before... never worked a day in my life. Granted, I never looked, I just assume that nobody wants a college dropout with no experience.

I do want to move away from here: I may have the opportunity to do that, but I don't know just yet. Hopefully something good happens.

If I hit her again, I'm calling an ambulance to take me away, no questions asked. If they won't send one, I'll tell a lie and say I'm about to jump off a roof or something. But I'll look into free therapy somewhere.

I do feel somewhat selfish sometimes, but you're definately right about that last part.

[CarlaRant]

Glad to see you posting. :)

[Diablo2424]

I apologize I have not had the time to sit and read this entire post (yet) but I have been there in my past and all I can say is hold on, it's worth it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will be, one day you'll look back and be glad you didn't do it. :-)

Also, as for the statement of
I never had a job before... never worked a day in my life. Granted, I never looked, I just assume that nobody wants a college dropout with no experience., I dropped out of college after only 3 semester's, barely graduated high school (had to go to summer school after senior year to get my diploma) and am now only 25, but work a full time job making over 50k/year. So don't say that, find something you enjoy doing (for me it's computer's, I also have a side hobby of working on cars) and learn all you can about it. You'll enjoy learning about it because it's something you enjoy, and try try try and it will work out for you, trust me. Just don't give up.

I'll take some time in the next few days (sorry super busy lately) to read through everything and give a better response, just wanted to get that out there. Stay strong and stay true my friend.