sleepyboi
02-08-2013, 10:12 PM
Sorry if this is a useless post or whatever, I just wanna know if anyone else has ever felt like this. I didn't know what other website I could post this kind of thing on.
Basically, I don't like anything. Nothing really excites me anymore. Well, not much. This is probably due to a combination of my depression and the medications I'm taking for it. But then again, I've kinda always been like this.
My day pretty much goes like this. I wake up, eat, do nothing, eat, do nothing, go to bed. In between the nothing sessions, I'll waste time on sites like Facebook or YouTube, not doing anything productive. Maybe I'll listen to music. But it's gotten to the point that I no longer wish to do anything at all really. I'm not thinking of violent or bad thoughts about myself or others, which is good. The medication does help with that stuff. But often I'll just pace around my room or lay in my bed staring at the ceiling. It's like my brain just doesn't want to be active at all.
And it's also getting to the point that I don't want anything either. I hate to say it, but, I'm almost happy with the way things are. If I were able to do nothing for the rest of my life, it wouldn't bother me. But I know I can't do that, my parents won't be able to support me forever. It sucks to think about that, too, but I need to get with reality I suppose. But yeah, I'm afraid of change and don't even want to go out and do things anymore. Finding friends is really hard when you have no hobbies and like nothing, plus the whole straight edge thing makes most parties not fun. Hell, even parties without substances don't appeal to me, I'm just not a party person. Because I'm just so different from everyone else, I've given up making friends. I no longer want friends. The friends I did have don't want anything to do with me anymore, it seems. I'm beginning to have nothing in common with them.
Getting new hobbies is pretty much a no. Whenever I try anything new, I end up not liking it. Or I'll pretend to like it at first but within a week or so I dislike it. So that's made me not want anything. I have gift cards from Christmas I never used, because material goods don't even really appeal that much to me anymore. I know if I buy something, I'll never use it or will quickly get bored of it. I have like one video game I play anymore, Animal Crossing: City Folk for Wii, and even that I barely play. It's not enough grounds to make friends with. My dad told me that the reason I have trouble making friends is because I have nothing that defines me, and he's right.
I know for a fact that my parents spoiled me. They enable my behavior of doing nothing and it's hurting me, but I can't stop. I just can't be forced to do anything. I have no motivation. My psychologist and psychiatrist are trying everything they can to make me better, they really work hard. But there's only so much they can do. I'm partially hoping that everything will fall into place eventually. But realistically, that takes work, and I can't really do work.
Sorry for the rant. I don't know exactly why I posted this or what kind of replies to expect if any, but it's a hell of a lot better than just writing it in my notebook, which I've been doing for the past month. I need a outlet to speak of it I guess.
Basically, I don't like anything. Nothing really excites me anymore. Well, not much. This is probably due to a combination of my depression and the medications I'm taking for it. But then again, I've kinda always been like this.
My day pretty much goes like this. I wake up, eat, do nothing, eat, do nothing, go to bed. In between the nothing sessions, I'll waste time on sites like Facebook or YouTube, not doing anything productive. Maybe I'll listen to music. But it's gotten to the point that I no longer wish to do anything at all really. I'm not thinking of violent or bad thoughts about myself or others, which is good. The medication does help with that stuff. But often I'll just pace around my room or lay in my bed staring at the ceiling. It's like my brain just doesn't want to be active at all.
And it's also getting to the point that I don't want anything either. I hate to say it, but, I'm almost happy with the way things are. If I were able to do nothing for the rest of my life, it wouldn't bother me. But I know I can't do that, my parents won't be able to support me forever. It sucks to think about that, too, but I need to get with reality I suppose. But yeah, I'm afraid of change and don't even want to go out and do things anymore. Finding friends is really hard when you have no hobbies and like nothing, plus the whole straight edge thing makes most parties not fun. Hell, even parties without substances don't appeal to me, I'm just not a party person. Because I'm just so different from everyone else, I've given up making friends. I no longer want friends. The friends I did have don't want anything to do with me anymore, it seems. I'm beginning to have nothing in common with them.
Getting new hobbies is pretty much a no. Whenever I try anything new, I end up not liking it. Or I'll pretend to like it at first but within a week or so I dislike it. So that's made me not want anything. I have gift cards from Christmas I never used, because material goods don't even really appeal that much to me anymore. I know if I buy something, I'll never use it or will quickly get bored of it. I have like one video game I play anymore, Animal Crossing: City Folk for Wii, and even that I barely play. It's not enough grounds to make friends with. My dad told me that the reason I have trouble making friends is because I have nothing that defines me, and he's right.
I know for a fact that my parents spoiled me. They enable my behavior of doing nothing and it's hurting me, but I can't stop. I just can't be forced to do anything. I have no motivation. My psychologist and psychiatrist are trying everything they can to make me better, they really work hard. But there's only so much they can do. I'm partially hoping that everything will fall into place eventually. But realistically, that takes work, and I can't really do work.
Sorry for the rant. I don't know exactly why I posted this or what kind of replies to expect if any, but it's a hell of a lot better than just writing it in my notebook, which I've been doing for the past month. I need a outlet to speak of it I guess.